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Opening Arguments

The Max factor

Here's a sure sign that Americans are becoming dull and unimaginative. Top dog name, for the fifth year in a row: Max. Top cat name, for the fifth year in a row: Max. Come on! Max? I notice that Dutch and Maggie do not appear on the top 10 list of cat names, though Maggie appears at No. 6 on the dog list, between Lucy and Daisy.

The story about the survey, in the Chicago Tribune, asks readers for the best names they've ever given for pets, and there are some good ones: Fat Black Cat, Godiva, Mr. Wilson, Frasier, Nugget, Karl Barx, Satchmo, Twinkie, Tantrum.

I think a pet's name should either mean something special about the pet or the owner. Dutch and Maggie, I think I've told you, are named after two of mty favorite government leaders. I was thinking of naming them Bonnie & Clyde just to be funny, but I didn't like the movie that much. Well, OK, I did, but, you know. If I'd waited to study their personalities before naming them -- the way Maggie lulls Dutch into a false sense of security then beats him up -- they would be Lucy and Charlie Brown. Hey, kick the football -- whoops! My  lamented Pierre the cat was named after Robespierre, a cat I made up and wrote about as a columnist for the Michigan City newspaper.

Max? People who name a dog or cat that should not be allowed to have a dog or a cat.