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Opening Arguments

Same old song

Maryland is worried that its state song, written during the Civil War when people were kind of riled up, might be a little rough by today's standards, and there is some thought of softening it up:

The song begins with a hostile reference to President Abraham Lincoln, who brought troops through Baltimore en route to protect Washington: "The despot's heel is on thy shore, Maryland! His torch is at thy temple door, Maryland!"

It ends with a call for the state to stand up to the Union: "She is not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb — Huzza! She spurns the Northern scum! She breaths! She burns! She'll come! Maryland! My Maryland!"

I'm not quite sure what the problem is. I've lived up nawth most of my life, and there are despots, and the scum, they do abound. But as long as we're cleaning up state songs, I wish somebody would look at Indiana's. "On the Banks of the Wabash, Far Away" is very troubling.

First of all, it opens with the writer longing to see his "mother in the doorway," just as she stood years ago, "her boy to greet," so there's the whole oedipal thing. Then he writes about strolling arm and arm by the river with "sweetheart Mary" by his side. This is clearly a homophobic song, or at least a heterocentric one, as Barney Frank would probably be happy to point out. Finally, we learn that Mary is currently "sleeping in the churchyard." Unless Mary is narcoleptic and/or somnambulistic, there are some questions that need answering here. Was Mary murdered by the writer? Or did she commit suicide because he wouldn't shut up about his dear mother? Maybe she slipped and fell into the Wabash and was overcome by industrial run-off.

Maybe we could get John Mellencamp to write us some new lyrics. "Little Pink Houses on the Banks of the Wabash" or something.

Comments

Bob G.
Wed, 03/25/2009 - 3:13pm

LMAO...nice historical/hysterical observations, Leo...

The old tried and true "INDIANA WANTS ME" was a nice little ditty...and could be resurrected.

(It would have the novelty of being personally applicable to QUITE a few Hoosiers...present company excluded, of course)

;)

Michael B-P
Thu, 03/26/2009 - 7:43am

Mom was standing in the doorway to receive here foreclosure notice from the local sheriff, having purchased and unaffordable adjustable rate mortgage two years ago before the new commercial hog farm operation moved in next door and kayoed her property value. "Mary" is an obvious reference to the boyfriend's affinity for illegal substance abuse (Mom voiced her dislike for the dreadlocks which bummed him into writing the melodic lament) which he turned to after being fired from his job for smoking on the premises and then being caught on video running a yellow light. The song's lyrics become unprintable if you play the cut backwards.

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