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News-Sentinel.com Your Town. Your Voice.
Opening Arguments

Satisfied yet?

Funny, this not only does not make me feel satisfied, it takes me right to Rolling Stones territory:

Indianapolis wears a sly smile on its face this morning.

Do you notice Indy residents seem a little happier and maybe a little more flirtatious?

The reason is clear to the editors of Men's Health magazine which has named Indianapolis as the most sexually satisfied city in the nation.

As a matter of fact, mid-size Midwestern cities are downright randy. Columbus, Ohio, Fort Wayne and Cincinnati join Indy in the Top 10. Chicago, big shoulders and all, barely made it in at No. 10.

Men's health analyzed condom sales (Indianapolis ranks No. 16 nationally), birth rates and sales of sex toys in making up the list.

Wow. Fort Wayne. No. 3 on the list of "sexually satisfied" cities. I must have been hanging out in the wrong places, or else a handful of you are skewing the curve. But seriously, folks. If we're third in those specific categories, fine, we're third. Numbers is numbers. But what do those categories have to do with sexual "satisfaction"? Arguably, they show a certain amount of sexual activity, but how did they decide it was satisfying sexual activity? Maybe the survey should be dedicated to those great philosophers Mel Brooks and Sharon Stone, both of whom are supposed to have said, "Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's pretty good."