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Opening Arguments

Pentagon porn

A group called Morality in Media tried to get the Pentagon to ban the sales of magazines like Playboy and Penthouse on military bases, but the Pentagon declared that the magazines do not violate department rules against selling sexually explicit material on military property. But the Army has decided to stop selling adult magazines in PXes anyway. Not for the reason you might be thinking:

Army marketers said it was declining interest in the magazines that led to the change.

"In this digital age, magazine readership and buyer-ship is declining. So it's just a chance for us to re-evaluate our stock assortment, find out which ones are selling, which ones are not," says Chris Ward, spokesman for the Army & Air Force Exchange Service.

Our soldiers have discovered Internet porn, just like everybody else. I don't know if I should be amused, reassured or horrified. I guess I should be relieved that at least they're not all using their laptops to suck up military secrets to hand over to Wikileaks.

Ah, well, time marches on. I remember occasionally picking up a Playboy or a Penthouse when I was in the Army. There was something comforting about knowing you had a small stash of the stuff under your mattress, all yours whenever you needed it. I don't think you'd have quite the same feeling about a bunch explicit stuff online that everyone has equal access to. And the main purpose of such soft-core porn was to fire up your imagination. The stuff online can't do that. When they show absolutely everything, what's left to imagine?

Sailors and Marines will still be able to find Playboys at their stores, though. Semper fi!

Oh, guess what the No. 1 magazine purchased by troops is. People. Now, that's just sad.

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