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Opening Arguments

Well, they got Archie

Oh, for God's sake - Archie to be shot dead while saving gay best friend who called for gun control:

Having re-written the “boy torn between two girls” storyline eight thousand times in the past 75 years, the writers wanted something more “impactful,” to borrow an atrocious word favored by the company’s CEO. That’s understandable, but … they work for Archie comics. They’re not “impactful,” by definition. Sticking Archie Andrews in the middle of an assassination narrative is like redoing “Goofus and Gallant” so that Goofus is a meth head. When you lose the innocence, you lose part of the charm.

[. . .]

Coming next month to “Archie”: Betty’s forced to scrape together eight bucks for birth control when her boss cuts off coverage after the Hobby Lobby ruling.

I kinda like that they decided to kitchen-sink the “impactfulness” by making the story about gun control and about Archie’s respect for his gay friend. One or the other would have sufficed for buzz; either some random character dies in a shooting or Archie somehow dies protecting Keller. Instead, they’re grabbing hot topics by the fistful and flinging them at the wall. I wish, frankly, they would have gone way over the top and added a few more — the shooter, enraged by Israel’s actions in Gaza, is apprehended by Riverdale’s newest resident, a handsome illegal immigrant from Guatemala named Jose. Why be impactful when you can be the impactfullest?

Quick, show of hands from all those who like their comic books to be impactful. When anybody uses that word, you just know you're not going to like the next thing that comes out of his mouth. Lectured on my lack of political correctness by Archie, for pity's sake. I hear Jughead has become a Scientologist, by the way.