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Opening Arguments

Dressed and dangerous

I swear, big city weenies:

So the cast of the Today show this morning was still gawping and emoting about the armed intruder who vaulted the fence around the Lightbringer's manse and perpetrated lèse-majesté all over the carpet.

He was never the "intruder", always the "armed intruder" and I wondered to myself "If he was armed, why didn't he use his weapon on either of the White House cops he tussled with?" and then they showed a picture of his weapon...

A Spyderco pocket knife... "He's from Texas, honey," I yelled at the television, startling the cats, "That's not 'armed', that's 'dressed', you island-dwelling herbivore!"

Jesus, you cud-chewing Eloi, how do you people open packages? With your teeth, like an animal?

Yeah, "dressed" indeed. I wouldn't feel complete and ready to face the world without my pocket knife, and I'm not even from Texas. Of course, my knife of choice is a Swiss Army knife, so I can be dangerous in 100 different ways. Mess with me, and I'll unscrew your damn nose and carry it to the gutter with my tweezers.

Never bring a weenie to a knife fight.


Bob G.
Mon, 10/06/2014 - 2:01pm


That...was BRILLIANT.

Stay well-dressed out there, too.