The Doomsday Clock’s minute hand has been moved two minutes closer to midnight as experts warn we are closer than ever to a global catastrophe.
In a live international news conference, the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists (BAS) said that the threat of climate change and nuclear war posed a very serious threat to modern society.
Their symbolic clock is now set at three minutes to midnight, but while they say it is not too late to avert disaster ‘the window for action is closing rapidly’.
Global warming and nuclear war. Equal threats. Riiight.
I've always suspected these guys were idiots, and this year they've gone out of their way to prove it conclusively. The clock has been anywhere from 2 to 14 minutes to midnight ever since they came up with the stupid thing in 1947. That's a long time to sutain a lot of panic. Can't we set it back to, oh, 10:45 p.m. and relax for a year? But no. OMG, only three minutes left! Oh, wait, now there's five. Whew!
Oh, and this just in: Mitt Romney is completely onboard with the whole "We must act now to stop global warming" thing.
While hitting familiar Republican points criticizing the size of the federal debt, Romney at times sounded like a Democrat, calling for President Barack Obama and other leaders in Washington to act on common liberal priorities such as climate change, poverty and education.
“I’m one of those Republicans who thinks we are getting warmer and that we contribute to that,” he said of climate change, charging that federal leaders have failed to enact global agreements needed to tackle the problem…
Man. If the GOP choice ends up being between him and Jeb Bush, just give Hillary the White House keys right now, and we can all relax and forget about it. I've never been much of a one-issue voter, but I'm thinking about it. "Do you believe climate change is a serious threat to the planet, that human activity is the primary cause of it, and that we must take immediate and drastic action on a worldwide scale? You do? Then you're an idiot. Get the hell away from me."
The Dunceday Clock is ticking. It's one minute till midnight. The idiots will destroy us in the end.