The law and the jungle

The scum of the earth can always be counted on to be inventive:

Indiana State Police detectives at the Jasper Post report investigating a new scam that has caused several people to lose money.

Sometimes, I think we just fall into newspaperese without thinking about what we're writing:

MUNCIE -- A self-proclaimed white supremacist and Satan worshiper is now also a convicted felon.

Dmitriy V. Sklyarov, 20, of rural Muncie, has pleaded guilty to battery resulting in bodily injury, a Class D felony, filed after he was accused of biting a 9-year-old boy at least 13 times on the arms and legs last Oct. 8.

A burglar in Bloomington bites off more than he can chew:

Police believe a church burglary has been solved through DNA found on a half-eaten doughnut.

[. . .]

Deputies sent the half-eaten doughnut to the Indiana State Police lab for testing. Authorities received confirmation in November that DNA left on the treat matched the man, who is serving a prison sentence at the Branchville Correctional Facility for an unrelated home burglary.

A miracle the evidence made it to the lab, w

If you aspire to have absolute power, forget about the presidency. That office is constrained by Congress, by the Supreme Court, by the Constitution and even by something as nebulous as public opinion. No, if you want real, raw power, just be a judge:

SOUTH BEND, Ind. - A judge has ordered the St. Joseph County Council to approve $79,000 in pay raises for his eight employees despite a projected $4.3 million county government deficit.

When I first heard about "sexting," I thought, well, it's just a high-tech version of what we did in high school -- telling off-color jokes, passing around dirty pictures and all of that other racy stuff. But it's really another one of those oh-these-kids-today! extremes:

It primarily involves high school and even middle school students. "Basically what they're doing is distributing pornography," said Allen County Prosecutor Karen Richards.

I understand the concept of "moral hero." You do the right thing, even if it creates a hardship for you (or "especially if," maybe), and it provides the right kind of example for those who might be wavering on the line between good and bad. But this example chosen by Gov. Daniels might be a reach:

What Michael Phelps should have said -- I take my apology back because, guess what, it's none of your business:

I work my ass off 10 months a year. It's that hard work that gave you all those gooey feelings of patriotism last summer. If during my brief window of down time I want to relax, enjoy myself, and partake of a substance that's a hell of a lot less bad for me than alcohol, tobacco, or, frankly, most of the prescription drugs most of you are taking, well, you can spare me the lecture.

New York may have had its Soup Nazi, immortalized in a few "Seinfeld" episodes, but Indiana had the Cone Nazi:

Elinor May Everett Stingley, who served up ice cream and admonishments to locals and celebrities alike during her half-century as the strict "Cone Lady" at a park-side ice cream shop, has died at age 101.

Everyone should have a mission in life:

John Dillinger was not a killer—at least among the wax figures of 1930s gangsters, fake tommy guns and "Most Wanted" posters in a Hammond museum.

About two-thirds of the way through the story about the Shawnee Middle School student who took a gun and 13-round clip to school is this disturbing detail:

The incident stemmed from a group of students, including the one who brought the gun, being harassed outside the Boys & Girls Club on Fairfield Avenue last week by some boys, one with a gun, the report said.