Politics and other nightmares

As a lifelong smartass, I offer this advice to John McCain: If you make a joke, just let it live or die by the laughter it gets or doesn't get. NEVER immediately explain that, of course, you were just making a joke, in hopes that somebody, somewhere won't take offense. If nobody feels inclined to take offense, it probably wasn't a very funny joke in the first place:

Between them, Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain are likely to contribute more to candidate flip-floppery than all of the past presidential candidates combined (although I like the term used in this article better -- "U-turns):

Mr McCain's U-turns have mostly increased his appeal to the Republican Party's base, placing him on a rightward trajectory.

Now, we're getting down to the stuff that really matters in the presidential campaign:

If the presidential election goes to the dogs, John McCain is looking like best in show.

From George Washington's foxhound "Drunkard" to George W. Bush's terriers "Barney" and "Miss Beazley," pets are a longtime presidential tradition for which the presumed Republican nominee seems well prepared, with more than a dozen.

The apparent Democratic nominee Barack Obama, on the other hand, doesn't have a pet at home.

Getting rough out there in talk land. Third-best recent putdown by one celebrity of another -- Anderson Cooper's producer on Fox's Gretta Susteren:

The executive producer of CNN's Anderson Cooper 360 last week called Susteren's On The Record  "not a news program. It's missing-person of the day."

Second-best: Sustern's 1,000-word response:

Just in case you thought Congress was being distracted from the really important things by trifles such as our energy crisis and the war on terror:

Here's one I just never imagined the federal government might take responsibility for: bedbugs.

WASHINGTON —  The Supreme Court's repeal of the ban on handguns in Washington, D.C., may be a boon for a segment of the firearms industry whose last major windfall might have been in the heyday of the Dirty Harry movies: those who make and sell revolvers.

Yes, Charlie, it sounds exactly like that:

Amid all the speculation about whether U.S. Sen. Evan Bayh might be picked to be Sen. Barack Obama's running mate, at least some pundits are saying not to count out another prominent Hoosier -- Republican Sen. Richard Lugar.

What? No cut-rate college education for illegal immigrants? Goodness -- if we aren't careful, they might start getting the idea they aren't supposed to be here:

Some states are making it harder for illegal immigrants to attend college by denying in-state tuition benefits or banning undocumented students.

Hey, that would make a pretty good slogan for Jill Long Thompson, wouldn't it? "A gallon of milk in every fridge, and a bowl of cereral on every table!":

When asked what she would do to offset a $120 million hit on the state budget, Thompson simply said that savings could be found over time. But Hoosiers were hurting now, she said, and Daniels should act.

"I will balance the federal budget by the end of my first term" is one of those grandiose pledges (like "Read my lips -- no new taxes" and "I will begin withdrawing troops from Iraq on Day 1 of my administration") so ridiculous on their face that we shouldn't even be talking about it, except to heap scorn on the person making it: