Current events

If you've been waiting for the stupidest survey of this presidential election season, here it is. Astonishingly, it's from the National Geographic Channel. Well, on behalf of that channel's "Chasing UFOs" series, but why they would even have such a preposterous show is the question. If aliens (outer space ones, not across-the-border ones) ever landed here, what would Americans do?

Talk about a dilemma. When Jimmy Carter attacks Barack Obama, how in the world do I choose sides?

Former president Jimmy Carter has blasted the United States for anti-terror strategies such as targeting individuals for assassination and using unmanned drones to bomb suspected targets, saying they directly flout the basic tenets of universal human rights and foment anti-US sentiment.

You know, I've never heard a conservative or even a raging libertarian scream about that dang government when a burn ban is ordered. They had one in Texas the last time I visited my brother, and you know what contrarians those Lone Star Staters can be. Hey, ain't had no rain in months, a fire would spread like crazy, so no burning. When a government edict intersects with common sense, it doesn't raise much of a fuss.

We can but hope:

I've generally liked Jeff Daniels as a performer, and I admire him as a person, especially his commitment to raising his family in the heartland of Michigan instead of hanging out in Hollywood. But I'm afraid this is a series I'll have to miss:

Oh, let's be honest. They don't want "more" Americans on food stamps. They'd really like all of us there, a docile, dependent populace who will take our government handouts and not make trouble:

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- More than one in seven Americans are on food stamps, but the federal government wants even more people to sign up for the safety net program.

This was the silliest story I saw while catching up on my news reading at the end of vacation:

You've dreamed of this day. Your life partner is there, your family and friends have gathered from far and wide, and all that's left to do before you share that first married kiss is say: I do(nate).

Wasn't hard to see this one coming, was it?

When Caren Berg told colleagues at a recent staff meeting, "There's new people you should meet," her boss Don Silver broke in, says Ms. Berg, a senior vice president at a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., marketing and crisis-communications company.

Thank you for your help, Illinois; we surely do appreciate it:

I did a post last week about a hysterical rant some columnist did about Indiana's new self-defense law in which he made the highly misleading claim that it amounts to open season on cops. That misleadding characterization has now showed up at several news outlets. But at least one critic is willing to take them to task: