The law and the jungle

Brave police officers in Bismarck protect North Dakotans from killer comedian:

You there, having the yard sale. Up against the wall, and put your hands over your head.

From the Consumer Product Safety Commission's handbook:

This handbook will help sellers of used products identify types of potentially hazardous products that could harm children or others. CPSC's laws and regulations apply to anyone who sells or distributes consumer products. This includes thrift stores, consignment stores, charities, and individuals holding yard sales and flea markets.

I don't want to sound like a defender of Drew Peterson. Anybody whose third wife dies in a suspicious bathtub accident and whose fourth wife disappears off the face of the earth is probably somebody to be avoided, and just a cursory look at his life for the past few years shows a pretty despicable human being. But in their zeal to get him, Illinois authorities are resorting to "evidence" the use of which should trouble us all:

Criminal genius of the week:

An Evansville man released from prison this week found himself back behind bars less than two days later on the same charge.

Anthony J. Johnson, 28, was arrested early this morning after allegedly stealing a car and later leading police on a short foot chase. He was released only Monday from the Wabash Valley Correctional Facility, where he served a year-and-a-half sentence for auto theft.

Why, you silly, ignorant lummox. This is not a porno palace, not in New Haven, Ind. This is an institution dedicated to saving failing marriages:

"80 percent of American families have some sort of adult novelty, I've seen many marriages saved by having adult novelties of some sort," said the owner of Cupid's Castle.

[. . .]

I guess I've lived a more sheltered life than I had supposed, because here's a problem I really didn't realize we needed a state law to fix:

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. - A state lawmaker says he plans to sponsor a bill next session that would bar adult males from applying spray-on tans to female juveniles at tanning salons.

State Rep. Bruce Borders, R-Jasonville, said he was shocked by a recent case where an adult man who works at a tanning salon applied a spray-on tan on a nude 15-year-old girl.

Gun enthusiasts seem to be, um, shooting themselves in the foot. Apparently worried about the future availability of ammunition under a not-so-gun-friendly Obama administration, they are rushing out to buy said ammunition, driving up the price and, ironically, creating the very shortage they feared. This is having an adverse affect on police departments:

Officer Knoll said as the demand rises for ammo, so does the price.

An employee of the Marion County Clerk's Office has been fired after accusations she tried to sell prescription drugs, and now the city officials are being questioned about why they didn't check her Facebook.com page as part of the screening process:

"Im bein charged wit a d n b felony haha {expletive} u will get yers," read a posting on Straw's page. "{Expletive} u will get yers it called karma."

Nothing like a fake hate crime to say "Happy Mother's Day"!

PORTAGE -- A local resident says he was trying to scare his mother when he set her bedroom on fire while she was sleeping, according to police reports.

And the racial slur against white people was intended to make people think it was a hate crime by blacks.

Wonder what "slur" he used? Hoosier Redneck Moron?

Supreme Court nomination hearings are fascinating looks at how the judiciary (often the most important force in our lives) is shaped. And the hearings for whomever President Obama selects to replace David Souter should even be fun, since they won't really matter. Souter is a liberal justice, and Obama will try to replace him with a liberal justice.