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Opening Arguments

Self-defense-free zones

When the Chipotle chain announced its intended gun ban by saying the sight of law-abiding citizens carrying guns caused customers "anxiety and discomfort," Breitbart News reacted with this:

The doctor is in

We've all heard about prison inmates getting things a lot of law-abiding Americans can't afford, such as a college education. This little nugget is especially galling:

Al Qaeda detainees get better medical treatment than our veterans.

Say what?

About ready to shrug

Same old, dreary same old:

Two days after defeating tea party challenger Matt Bevin, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell announced that he would no longer stand with Rand.

Ayn Rand, that is.

Is the tea party over?

The Republican Party was the big winner in Tuesday's primaries, because safe establishment candidates beat out those tea party extremists, which means the GOP has a great shot at retaking the Senate in November. That's the gist of most of the analyses I've read anyway. This one from NBC's Chuck Todd is typical:

See ya, Eric

Holy cow. Is it possible someone in the Obama administration is actually going to held accountable for something?

Talking the talk

Judge advocates

Remember the main reason given for the proposed amendment to the Indiana constitution banning gay marriage? It was that it would bebetter than the state's a;ready-existing law banning same because a judge could come along and invalidate the law. A constitutional ban would be more permanent.

Well, tell that to the good citizens of Oregon:

And don't spit, either

If you go to Brighton, Mich., better watch your !@#$% mouth:

Quite the event

OK, class, your new word of the day is "eventize":

NEW YORK (AP) -- One day into the annual week where television's biggest networks reveal their future programming plans and it was clear what the buzzword was going to be: Eventize.

My way

OK, this whole "Oooh, look at us, we're so proud to be open-minded" stuff has officially gotten completely out of hand:

NEW YORK (CBSMiami/AP) — After 40-years of the slogan “Have It Your Way,” Burger King is scrapping it in favor of the more personal “Be Your Way.”

The ignorance defense

Children, believe!

What an awful, awful thing to tell graduating seniors:

NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP) -- Secretary of State John Kerry urged Yale University graduates on Sunday to keep faith in government's ability to break gridlock, even as many problems remain unsolved.

MERS attacks!

Oh, my God, we're all going to die!

NEW YORK (AP) -- Health officials reported Saturday what appears to be the first time that a mysterious Middle East virus has spread from one person to another in the United States.

Bang, you're dead

Shut up, they explained

I used to compulsively keep up with the news while I was on vacation -- it's in the nature of a journalist to try to avoid missing out on anything. But in recent years, I go out of my way to avoid the news because, well, because it's usually "same story, different names." When I left for vacation last week, for example, the big news was over Condi Rice withdrawing as a commencement speaker because or protests. So what was one of the first stories I saw this morning?

Be right back

Taking my customary post-election rest & recuperation week. Back on the 19th.

Posted in: All about me

Go be generous, but not with my money

People Francis has coined my favorite new oxymoron:

On Friday, Francis called for the United Nations to promote a "worldwide ethical mobilization" of solidarity with the poor in a new spirit of generosity.

Dark Horse Mike

The debate is over